Monday, October 17, 2016

Broken Record: Single Black Female Narrative





I have been M.I.A for the past few weeks as I have been continuing with my commitment to live in the moment. I have also been consumed by all of the #BlackExcellence sprawled across my television screen from Queen Sugar to Atlanta, right on over to Luke Cage. This excellence is beyond necessary given the current sociopolitical climate in this damn country!

In addition to the great shows listed above, I was also able to catch the series premiere of Issa Rae’s Insecure on HBO. Notice how I did not capture this show above with all the other shows that I am drooling over? It was beyond intentional! Listen I am totally here for supporting a fellow brown girl as she embarks on her journey to greatness. However, I am not here for a brown girl playing into the tired ass narrative of the single black female for the sake of “good” television and ratings.  

Let me explain….the two main characters of Insecure, Issa and Molly are the most ridiculously desperate, shallow, one-dimensional, and pathetic black women I have ever seen on television. Wait……before you come for me and tell me to check out every bottom feeder reality show on VH1 and Bravo, I will push back and tell you that I do not subscribe to that trash either. I am giving the side eye to both Insecure and reality television shows for the same reason, they cast an unnecessary shadow on the greatness that is black women.

This brings me to the point of this post, which is the bullshit narrative of the single black female that is presented across every realm of media. The way the narrative goes is if she is single there is something wrong with her, she is lonely, bitter, resentful, angry, depressed, desperate, and broken (complimentary broken p*ssy as well according to Issa Rae) just to give you the Cliff’s Notes version. I call complete and utter BULL to the SHIT on this narrative. I mean seriously who wrote this damn narrative?!?!? I promise you that it was not a sister with her shit together. Does the world seriously think that the singe black female’s world stops and turns to ruins just because she broke up with her tired ass ex? Nah son…it does not work that way! Have they ever heard the old adage "I can do bad all by my damn self"?

The single black females that I know demonstrate resilience post-breakup, embrace being alone, and bask in the glory of being able to focus and better themselves for something greater, i.e. The One. These same single black females are human so, yes they may hurt following the loss of a love that once was, but that humanity is what allows them to trust the process and understand that they have to do the work in order to heal. The joy is in healing as it is where they set out on a journey of self-discovery and rejuvenation.

I promise you that my single black female friends are not at home sticking pins in a voodoo doll of their exes, or stalking their exes and their new boo thangs on social media, or torching the things that their exes may have left behind at their places. They are also not on standby for someone who took their heart for granted for some lousy ass casual sex! Again I say…nah son it does not work that way! They are out here living fulfilling lives, dating really cute guys, fellowshipping with their sisters, seeing some world, thriving in their careers, loving on their babies, and healing along the way.

I say all this to say that I am exhausted with the crap narrative that floats around when it comes to the single black female. It frustrates me to the point of no return, because I know it to be untrue. The media can showcase single black females hacking into their exes email, jumping down the throats of the new women, and continuing to go back to loves that are no more or possibly never were. I understand that this jaded narrative it is the easy route, but it is also the GTFOH route! The single black females that I know are not weak, pathetic or insecure. They are dope women who do dope shit!

After having several substantive conversations with two of my closest girlfriends one married and one single we all agreed that episode one of HBO’s Insecure showcases single black females in a shitty light, and feeds right into that tired ass, played out narrative. Nonetheless we agreed that we were not going to jump ship after just one episode. While completely saddened by episode one, we are all hopeful that as the show progresses so does the flawed characters. Our wish is that the characters grow to be far more meaningful and fulfilling, which would require the absence of stereotypes and false pretenses. #fingerscrossed

To all of the single black females in the place to be keep shining, keep living, and most importantly keep your heart wide open for the love that can and will be in due time. #trusttheprocess #thejoyisinhealing

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