Monday, June 12, 2017

Finish Line: Our Friendship Has Run Its Course

One of the greatest assets in my life is my tribe of friends, and I do not take them for granted. I have worked very hard over the past year to tighten my circle, and weed out that which had no value. Trust me when I tell you that it took a lot of tough decisions, and a few doses of brutal honesty with myself. I seriously had to complete an assessment of my relationships, and literally evaluate what value, if any certain folks added to my life.

I am at the point in my life where my tribe reflects my vibe. I am not in the same space and place that I was just a short twelve months ago. This is an AMAZING thing, I promise. Life is about evolution, progression, and constant development. I am enjoying being present in every moment of my own growth.

Now with this growth came the realization that some people in my life were undeserving of my friendship. Over the past year I have let many people go, and I have no regrets whatsoever. Of all the people that I have severed ties with, there was one friend that was very special to me and letting her go was one of the toughest decisions of my adult life.  

I had tried to be patient and understanding of the toxicity my friend was bringing to our relationship, but then I stepped back and realized that I was not required to be tolerant of her madness. I also realized that my tolerance of her bad behavior is what allowed her to continue to take our friendship for granted, and spill her negative energy into the sacred space that was our relationship. 

This friend literally contributed nothing positive to my life, not one single thing. When she was present it was literally in the physical sense, as she was absent as she could be. I accepted the fact that we had chosen separate paths at this point in life after being friends for more than 16 years. TIME…that was the only thing keeping our friendship going. 

I held onto the relationship tight, because…FEAR. The fear of the unknown on the other side of the losing the friendship held me hostage in a relationship that was without a pulse. That is completely my fault, and for that I take ownership, and apologize. I have no ill will or malice towards my former friend. I wish her nothing short of the best, and I pray that she experiences growth in due time.

To my former friend that I have not spoken to in months, if you should ever wonder why our friendship is no more I threw together a short list of your greatest offenses:
  1. You lied about trying to pursue entrepreneurial endeavors. I had to hear about it through the grapevine. Seriously? I am the cheer captain when it comes to celebrating my friends. You never, ever had to lie to me Craig (Friday voice)!
  2. I had a major surgical procedure a few months back, and when I woke up in recovery I had a text from you that read “Have a safe procedure.” What in thee hell?!?! You mean to tell me that you could not be there in my time of need? The best you could do was a damn text message?
  3. You were the negative undertone in the room each time I would bring a group of women together. Smart rhetoric, shady commentary, and just flat out nastiness is what you brought to the table. I personally have zero tolerance for women who are unable to play well with other women. It is the greatest sign of insecurity. 
  4. You constantly acted as if you were better than the rest of the world. Your energy was fed by surrounding yourself with others who you felt needed you for tangible things such as housing, money, and transportation to name a few. You were never better than me or anyone else, and “things” do not make you a better person. I did not need tangible things from you as I had my own. A word of advice: You should surround yourself with like minded individuals, dream catchers, and goal seekers. Opposed to people who are hanging onto you for what you can “do” for them.    
  5. You had to be celebrated for the most basic things i.e. owning a home, owning a vehicle, having a job, etc. I’m sorry but the last time I checked you don’t get celebrated for Adulting.
  6. Our relationship revolved around your world. I love to coordinate outings for my friends. Each time I extended an invitation you would have a laundry list of pre-requisites from the departure time being complimentary to your schedule, to the list of attendees being people you featured. Reality check…you are not the Queen of Sheba!
  7. You stopped being present in our relationship, and literally checked out. Now we all lead our own lives with partners, children, careers, etc., and I do not expect to speak to you daily. However, I do take issue with you not acknowledging my calls or text messages, but having time to make frequent posts on social media. #Priorities 
  8. You stopped being happy for me. You were jealous of my other friendships, and my joy. Your own misery and insecurities barred you from being genuinely excited for my growth and blessings. Major offense as I do not dim my light for anyone.
  9. You behaved like an immature child by constantly posting subliminal, shade filled messages on social media. The memes, the quotes, and the thirst were exhausting. You behaved in a passive manner, and delivered your thoughts indirectly via social media. This type of foolishness is not to be tolerated.
  10. You lost my trust and respect. My love, loyalty, and energy must be preserved at all costs. Our friendship was draining and undeserving of what I bring to the table. 
The “letting go” was the greatest blessing of this whole ordeal. Everything I thought I was losing was returned to me in abundance. I had been blocking my own blessings by holding onto something that was no more. The moment I ended my toxic friendships God blessed me with many new relationships that have proven far more substantive than I could have ever imagined. 

This experience has taught me to not allow fear to get in my way, that it is okay to remove toxicity from your life regardless of the level of difficulty, I am far too valuable to be subjected to bad behavior, and to keep growing and shining. 

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